Maureen Phillips spotted this sign for “Mike’s Tailor” (His own tailor? Lucky Mike!) and “professional altetration” services (whoops) while driving along Broadway Street in Vancouver. She didn’t have the heart to go in and point out the mistakes, though. Photo by Maureen Phillips.
humour
Event review: #LFMF
Couldn’t attend EAC-BC’s #LFMF event? Don’t worry. Programs co-chair Frances Peck has compiled a list of the “editing lessons learned”—editors’ true confessions, if you will—that were shared that evening.
At EAC-BC’s first meeting of the season (on September 19, 2012), about 35 of us gathered at the YWCA in Vancouver to drink wine, nibble cheese, catch up with fellow editors, and confess our failures. Humility was the watchword of the evening as we tweeted editing lessons we’ve learned the hard way (using the hashtag LFMF, learn from my fail) or described our embarrassing moments to the group.
The “winning” #LFMF lesson
The (unofficial) winner, for its black humour and high “uh-oh” factor:
Always turn off autocorrect. My instructor’s last name, Vigna, was autocorrected to vagina without my noticing.
More #LFMF lessons
The various lessons—about the importance of proofreading, the need for careful estimating, the pitfalls of technology, and more—were too valuable to keep to ourselves, so we’re sharing them with WCE readers. A big thank you to those who laid bare their biggest gaffes so that others needn’t repeat them.
“Materiel” isn’t always a misspelling. Learned the hard way from a military client.
Always review the document, or a good sample of it, before estimating. What’s described as an easy edit may really be a nightmare.
Proofread every invoice. I once tweaked my template and got my postal code wrong! Delayed payment, red face.
Say yes to every project and you’ll sacrifice quality. I look back on work from hectic times and know it wasn’t my best. Ouch.
If you’re sending an attachment, attach it BEFORE you write the email and forget to do it.
Before sending a style sheet to the client, don’t forget to give it one last A-to-Z sort.
Proofread your invoice template. There is no such thing as the GSH tax.
Mix estimate with educate for big jobs. Itemize the tasks you’ll do at each stage. Helps client appreciate the value for the $$ estimate.
Make sure all comments to self are deleted from final edit. Author should never see “Boring!” or “Gibberish.”
Always estimate based on word count—never on page count.
I edited a dissertation in LaTeX. When the (now) prof gave me the published copy (in person), I saw I’d edited no footnotes.
Your awesome new time-tracking software doesn’t do much good if you don’t press the “start” button.
Sent out a resumé several times mentioning articles I had published in a “newpaper.” Applying for copy-editing jobs.
When signing off with “Regards” in a memo to an author, keep in mind that the G and T keys are in close proximity.
“The Apostrophe Song” (video)
In honour of National Punctuation Day, we present “The Apostrophe Song,” a song that aims to “put the apostrophe back in its place.” It’s a four-minute tuneful celebration of the greengrocer’s apostrophe—Drive-by editing set to music, if you will…
The song was created for Cool Rules, an Australian writing-skills training firm.
Words and music by Shaun McNicholas. Vocals by Gypsy Lehmann.
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vc2aSz9Ficw?rel=0&w=480&h=360]
DRIVE-BY EDITING: spelling
This Richmond sign caught the eye of air accident investigator Travis Shelongosky (pictured). Though not a trained editor, he knows “a error” when he sees one. Photo by Pratima Alexander. Submitted by Frances Peck.
DRIVE-BY EDITING: punctuation
While editing may be the first step to fame and fortune, terminal punctuation (on this sign from the shop floor of Macy’s Seattle) is not. Photo by David Harrison.
DRIVE-BY EDITING: punctuation & spelling
This sign could benefit from a liberal dose of full stops (“No appointment necessary drop in or call”) and spell-checking (“Work to-day get paid to-day”). Photo by Frank Karabotsos.
DRIVE-BY EDITING: spelling
This label—from inside a T-shirt—features a common misspelling: “seperately.” And shame on those fabric “softners” for not drying promptly! Photo by Frank Karabotsos.
Overwrought writing wins prize
The contest that awards overwrought writing is back: the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest. Since 1982, the English department at San José State University has sponsored the contest, one that challenges writers to compose an opening sentence to the “worst of all possible novels.”
The entry categories for the 2012 contest were as follows: Romance, Adventure, Children’s Literature, Crime, Fantasy, Historical Fiction, Purple Prose, Science Fiction, Vile Puns, and Western.
Canadians take (dis)honours
Three Canadians were singled out for their particularly turgid efforts: Guy Foisy (Ontario), who won the Purple Prose category; Emma DeZordi (Quebec), who received a Dishonourable Mention in the Romance category; and James Macdonald (Vancouver), who received a Miscellaneous Dishonourable Mention.
The sentence that launched the contest
The Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest is the brainchild of Professor Scott Rice, who, when a graduate student, wrote a paper on Victorian novelist Lord Edward Bulwer Lytton (the Bulwer Lyttons do not hyphenate their surname but the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest does), author of the English language’s (arguably) most infamous opening sentence: “It was a dark and stormy night …”
Here’s the sentence in full bloom:
It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents—except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness.
Paul Clifford, Edward Bulwer Lytton, 1830
Years later, after having judged numerous writing contests, Professor Rice “struck upon the idea of holding a competition that would be honest and—best of all—invite brief entries.”
Selection of 2012 winners
2012 Purple Prose: runner-up
“Corinne considered the colors (palest green, gray and lavender) and texture (downy as the finest velvet) and wondered, ‘How long have these cold cuts been in my refrigerator?’”
Linda Boatright, Omaha, NE
2012 Purple Prose: Dishonourable Mention
“The drugged parrots pelted the village like a hellish rain of feathered fanny packs stuffed with claws and porridge, rendering Claudia’s makeshift rabbit-skin umbrella more symbolic than anything else.”
Jeff Coleburn, West Chester, PA
2012 Western: runner-up
“He got down from his horse, which seemed strange to him as he had always believed that you got down from a duck or a goose.”
Terry L. Johnson, Tularosa, NM
Read all the 2012 winning entries.
How to enter the 2013 contest
For information about entering an opening paragraph of your own into next year’s contest, go to www.bulwer-lytton.com/contact.html. The submission deadline is April 15, 2013.
TEST: Are you a hopeless bookworm?
Editors are bookworms. Hopeless bookworms. Take this 13-question self-diagnostic test, created by hopeless—but happy—bookworm Frank Karabotsos, to determine exactly how “hopeless” your book-loving condition is.
You know how it is. You approach a bookstore and resolutely tell yourself, I’ll only go in for five minutes, buy the book I want, and make my escape. Yeah, right. When does it ever happen that way? I used to feel guilty about this, but my only worry now is, how bookish am I, really? Perhaps you’ve asked yourself the same question. Well, you’re about to find out.
If you answer Yes to more than 11 of the following statements, you’re a Bibliolater: you’d sell your house for a first edition; between 6 and 10, you’re a Bibliomaniac: you’d read a book while skydiving; between 1 and 5, you’re a Bibliophile: you probably carry reading material with you into the bath.
Only if you answer No to all of the questions are you truly safe, able to resist the temptation of books when circumstances warrant.
Take the test to find out how “hopeless” your book-loving condition is.
| DOES THIS DESCRIBE YOU? |
| You judge a book by its spine, that is, by how well it will look sandwiched between other books on your shelves. |
| You change the arrangement of the books on your shelves to give them a refreshing new look, the same way others rearrange their furniture. |
| You wince when you hear a crack after someone bends a hardback more than 180 degrees. |
| You have at least three copies of War and Peace (or another famous work) in three different translations. |
| You know the difference between bibliophily, bibliomania, and bibliolatry. |
| You have an urge to remove the dust covers from your books and display them as posters in your office. |
| You use a steam iron to smooth out the wrinkles in the satin ribbon markers of your books. |
| You purchase two copies of the same book: a paperback for reading on the beach, and a hardback for reading at home. |
| To avoid your spouse’s cry of “Not another book!” when a parcel arrives, you have your orders sent to your work address or to a sympathetic non-bookish friend (someone who won’t be tempted to open the box). |
| You have multiple copies of a favourite novel, one with a cool cover, one with illustrations, and one with scholarly notes. |
| You buy Brodart plastic covers to protect your books, just as libraries do. |
| You start reading a paperback in the store, but then order the hardback since you want a copy with nicer paper and wider margins for notes. |
| You wish you had never heard of The Folio Society. |
Now it’s your turn. What other symptoms of obsessive bookishness do you (or others you know) exhibit?
Editor pens press release in style of King James Bible
The Storm on the Sea of Galilee, Rembrandt, 1633 (or possibly, the Bowen Island ferry).
FROM: David Harrison
Earlier this year, I attended an EAC-BC stylistic-editing seminar. I enjoyed the writing exercises, especially one requiring each of us to write a press release announcing that the next sailing of the Bowen Island ferry would be cancelled due to bad weather. We were given several styles to choose from, including that of Jane Austen and the King James Bible. I chose King James …
CHAPTER I
A message comes down from on High to the waiting hordes, &c.
AND an Herald came down from on High to the fearful crowds, assembled by the boats on the shore of the Salish Sea.
2 O ye of little faith! saith the Herald. Ye, who dwelleth in the dank wildernesses of Bowen Island, who yearn to see the nether reaches of the Salish Sea: hearken now unto the voice of those who go down to the sea in ships and occupy their business in great waters!
3 Behold, as this day dawned, there arose a great tempest, insomuch that the ships were covered with waves: and the sea captains were sore afraid.
4 But the wind abateth not.
5 The wind bloweth where it listeth, and they who prophesy about such things hear the sound thereof but cannot tell whence it cometh, nor whither it goeth.
6 It is enough, saith He: we have given up the ghost: verily, the peoples that live in the Land of Cristy shall not set forth upon the seas this day.
7 We do earnestly repent and are heartily sorry, quoth the Herald.
8 And there was weeping and gnashing of teeth.